Lovers – Poem !!!Warning!!! Sexually Explicit

Lovers – Warning this poem is rude! you have been warned!!!

 

I grab you and pull you in so close

Right now we are just nose to nose

I slide my hand right down your back

Your underwear i intend to slack

 

You slide your hand across my ass

And dig your nails in lightning fast

And pull my body closer still

It’s clear you intend to have your fill

 

I nibble your neck and make you sigh

And then begin to caress your thigh

I kiss my way down to your breast

And let my tongue do what is best

 

You reach your hand down and unzip

You take it out and caress the tip

I t feels so solid in your hand

To attention it begins to stand

 

I take your lead and head downstairs

In passion now we do not care

On the bed I unlock your treasure

And then proceed with tongue pleasure

 

You buck and moan with pure delight

Now it really seems just right

To slip it in until you gasp

Around my manhood I feel you clasp

 

You slide and move with style and grace

as i settle down to a rhythmic pace

All i can feel is exstacy

Heaven on Earth for you and me

 

I feel my juice well up inside

Your reaction fills me with such pride

We orgasm simultaniously

And then collapse with you on me

 

we enter sleep and dream of love

To see how you’ve been sent from above

To lie here in my arms tonight

Until in the room comes morn’s first light

 

 

Revenge of the Spider – Poem

Revenge of the Spider

 

Your sister today has been a cow

At every turn she starts a row

She says your nought but a slob

And that you should go get a job

 

She’s baking your noodle

Your seeing scarlet

While she looks like a poodle

Or somebody’s harlet

 

Well here’s a suggestion

To end all that stuff

I’ll give you fair warning

It’s really quite rough

 

What you need, away now and seek

In the shed you’ll find an eight legged freak

Big, black and hairy with multiple eyes

Dangly and spindly munching on flies

 

You wait till she’s sleeping

And creep in with your tin

With her moth open and snoring

Just drop ole spidey in!

Credit Crunch – Poem

Credit Crunch

 

All over the world tonight there seems

Parted from their richest dreams

Managers of banks and rich tycoons

Will all be howling at the moon!

 

Driven mad by a twist of fate

Whilst playing with our interest rate

Our NASDACS and Footsies crashed and burned

All mortgages have been duly spurned

 

Our captains of industry have been speyed

The chancellor won’t come out and play

The cost of food defys all reason

And it’s not yet start of the silly season

 

Our good ship ‘Britain’ is missing it’s boss!

Our economy is a total loss

With millions on the ‘Rock & Roll’

It’s Time for the PM to take a stroll!

 

But now you don’t have any job or cash

Just you take heed and not be rash

For now you’re in the finest group

With those once atop our financial troop

Sink Duty or Always Concentrate – Poem

Sink Duty (Always Concentrate!)

 

You stand in front the kitchen sink

Where your mind begins to think

Of far flung places full of sun

Where wild Antelope love to run

 

You run the hot tap and add the ‘Fairy’

The autopilot is turned on … it’s scary!

You plop the dishes in the water

Just the way your missus taught ya

 

You whirl around the scrubbing brush

You don’t seem in any rush

A vacant glaze washes over face

As the dishes pile up in your place

 

You hear a voice somewhere behind

Now ladies this is just unkind

A complex question she has to ask

… and you know we cannot multitask!

 

Now what you gonna say my friend

Before your good work goes down the bend

You dare not say ‘I beg your pardon?’

That will make her frown just harden!

 

So you resort to the age old saving grace

The most common phrase in the human race

And say ‘Yes Dear’ with smile on face

Then return to the dishes with keener pace

 

Now what was it you just agreed?

On this your fear begins to feed

As you try to rid us of her gravy

You wish that you’d joined the navy

 

You finish your job and go outside

When your girlfriend arrives along side

laden with mags and smiles a mile wide

On the front of the mag is a blushing bride!

 

Angry Old Men! – Poem

Angry Old Men!

 

Tell me not what i must do!

I am twice as old as you

I’ll do it in my own good time

No matter how you winge and whine

 

And if i’ll have it all my way

Then perhaps i’ll do another day

Either way the choice is mine

You don’t like? well thats just fine!

 

You sound to me like your frustrated

But i’m the one thats really hated

Because i’m stubborn and i’m old

Or thats what i’ve been told

 

The youngsters have no time for me

When I arrive you begin to flee

So I have my self a cup of tea

And fall asleep in the chair by half past three